House of Horrors

So it's become quite cold in Bangalore these days (will I have to issue a public apology for not saying Bengaluru?) and the wind is turning my house into the perfect set for a B-grade horror flick. For some architectural flaw, the sliding windows in my room don't close perfectly shut, and the mm-thin gaps that remain form the perfect whistle. Remember all those really bad movies in which the wind shrieks? That's exactly what happens all evening and all night. OOOOoooooOOOO
I mean WTF! Not only that, the loo door keeps banging and waking me up. The window in the loo has louvres that are too tight to shut, and the door has lost its knob so it doesn't anchor shut. So every time the wind picks up, I have to be startled awake. I've been jamming it shut with paper, but I guess the best thing would be to replace the knob - what say?
But coming back to the scary movie thing - the howling wind, the banging doors, the unfathomable noises from the upstairs neighbours at 3 am - it's all the ingredients of the flick that forces you into fright!
All that's left is for the power to go off and the white-masked creature from the Scream to appear. (Like I'm Neve Campbell!) Tonight I will wear 3 sweaters, use two quilts, jam the loo door with a doormat, and keep the window wide open. Damned if I'm kept awake again!

And again

If I like something I want at least two of it. For example, I can never buy one bar of chocolate. Or one book. Or one top in a design I like. I'd like to have two of the same persons I like too. One to go do what they want, and one to always be with me. I've actually discussed this concept with someone, and he asked whether I'd know which one is the original and which the clone. I wonder. If the answer is yes, then what's the point of the clone? If the answer is no, then how am I appreciating the uniqueness of this person?

Metamorphosis

I've had a fascination for owls ever since I was a little kid. I love them - their big round eyes and the general "who the heck are you?" expression they have on their faces. The trouble with liking something so much is that you begin to take on either its features or its attributes.

I think I'm turning into an owl. I've become positively nocturnal. I can't sleep when I go to bed early; when I go to bed late I wake up early. What it is? Next my head will turn 360 degrees! Well, I never got any wisdom teeth - I guess this is as good a way to get wise.

Breaking Up

The doc who finally put a name to my pain says I gotta lose all the lovehandles I'm carrying around cos (as we all know) I'll face problems later in life. Hmph. Like I don't have any now. Anyway, I've heard this a million times before but I never really cared, but for some reason this guy managed to psych me out. It's been a couple of weeks, and I'm watching what I eat and generally feeling better. However, the seed that the dude with the steth planted in my head seems to be growing into this crazy wild bush that's almost completely driven my appetite away. In the last couple of days, I've hardly eaten anything, and I'm not hungry at all. Einz, if you're reading this, can you believe it??!! What will we do if I'm not khau anymore? If the lovehandles were coming off, I wouldn't feel so bad. But WTF! Not eat and still not be thin? That's not happiness! What will I do for fun? What will I do for comfort? Food doesn't love me any more! Waaaaah :'(

Animal Pin-Ups

I hate house lizards. They're clammy and ugly and downright gross. Shudder! Au contraire the garden lizards (geckos, chameleons, and so on) that I quite like. Not at close quarters - they should be at least 5 feet away. I like their colours and their speed, and the fact that they don't look slimy. A garden lizard is the animal version of the surfer dude. Fit and radiant, and a true worshipper of the Sun.

When I'm 64

No romantic song by the Fab Four this.
Instead it's an ambition.
When I'm 64, I want to be a spiritual leader to whom people donate their 5-figure monthly salaries.
I just heard of someone who gives up their sizable monthly income to a swamiji. Every month!
I don't know what he/she gets in return.
So why will I wait till I'm 64? Cos I think I'll look more trustworthy with grey hair and wrinkles. (I refuse to admit to either till 63).
What will I give in return? A kind look, and a gentle pat, and a "Sab theek ho jayega."

Where from you hail?

I've always been interested in accents and trying to determine where someone is from based on how they speak. Sometimes it gets difficult cos people who live near the state's border can just as easily sound like someone from the next state. But I've found a great way to tell their place of origin. Put them on speaker phone on a bad line. From the inflections in their English, you will be able to pick up intonations peculiar to their native tongue It really works. Very recently, I was in a training that was being conducted over the phone, and it seemed to me that the facilitator was from Bengal, but couldn't tell for sure. In half an hour or so, I got tired of holding the phone to my ear, so put the call on speaker. As is common in long trainings, my mind started wandering and in a while I stopped really listening. The voice receded to this drone in the background, and after sometime I thought the guy was talking in Oriya.
Voila !!!