Breaking Up

The doc who finally put a name to my pain says I gotta lose all the lovehandles I'm carrying around cos (as we all know) I'll face problems later in life. Hmph. Like I don't have any now. Anyway, I've heard this a million times before but I never really cared, but for some reason this guy managed to psych me out. It's been a couple of weeks, and I'm watching what I eat and generally feeling better. However, the seed that the dude with the steth planted in my head seems to be growing into this crazy wild bush that's almost completely driven my appetite away. In the last couple of days, I've hardly eaten anything, and I'm not hungry at all. Einz, if you're reading this, can you believe it??!! What will we do if I'm not khau anymore? If the lovehandles were coming off, I wouldn't feel so bad. But WTF! Not eat and still not be thin? That's not happiness! What will I do for fun? What will I do for comfort? Food doesn't love me any more! Waaaaah :'(

Animal Pin-Ups

I hate house lizards. They're clammy and ugly and downright gross. Shudder! Au contraire the garden lizards (geckos, chameleons, and so on) that I quite like. Not at close quarters - they should be at least 5 feet away. I like their colours and their speed, and the fact that they don't look slimy. A garden lizard is the animal version of the surfer dude. Fit and radiant, and a true worshipper of the Sun.

When I'm 64

No romantic song by the Fab Four this.
Instead it's an ambition.
When I'm 64, I want to be a spiritual leader to whom people donate their 5-figure monthly salaries.
I just heard of someone who gives up their sizable monthly income to a swamiji. Every month!
I don't know what he/she gets in return.
So why will I wait till I'm 64? Cos I think I'll look more trustworthy with grey hair and wrinkles. (I refuse to admit to either till 63).
What will I give in return? A kind look, and a gentle pat, and a "Sab theek ho jayega."

Where from you hail?

I've always been interested in accents and trying to determine where someone is from based on how they speak. Sometimes it gets difficult cos people who live near the state's border can just as easily sound like someone from the next state. But I've found a great way to tell their place of origin. Put them on speaker phone on a bad line. From the inflections in their English, you will be able to pick up intonations peculiar to their native tongue It really works. Very recently, I was in a training that was being conducted over the phone, and it seemed to me that the facilitator was from Bengal, but couldn't tell for sure. In half an hour or so, I got tired of holding the phone to my ear, so put the call on speaker. As is common in long trainings, my mind started wandering and in a while I stopped really listening. The voice receded to this drone in the background, and after sometime I thought the guy was talking in Oriya.
Voila !!!

Jeez! - I mean Cheese!

In Jan this year I put 12 photographs into a customised calendar to commemorate a family vacation. It was quite an effort, as I found that most of the pictures I'd taken were of the sky, mountains, winding roads, birds, insects, flowers.....well, anything non-human! I wouldn't have minded a calendar based on the inmates of Mysore Zoo, but the rest of my folks lean towards pictures of the two-legged variety. 

So after that bit of difficulty, I vowed to take more people pics whenever I'm on holiday. Staying true to my promise, I kept asking to be photographed when the husband and I took a weekend off last month. You should see the results. Gosh! The torn-winged moth from last June's holiday looked more animated. I have this impatient "hurry up and snap already" look in all of the pictures. Aargh, I hate it. I'm ok in group pics, but the ones alone - I have bared teeth in some semblance of a grin, or upturned corners to my lips, but cold eyes - gaaa. Horrific! The only time my pic comes out OK if I pretend to be someone else, and that's just too much effort.

I'll leave you with the pic of the torn-winged moth. It's not pretending to be someone else.

Under Pressure

The whole world's crazy about it, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I'm talking about Facebook, which at this time seems to be the center of the universe !

Why?

All my friends are on it, and under duress I signed up, but gosh! It's like a busy Bangalore street. People all going here and there, and doing this and that, and all talking at once. Random folks bumping into you. So why am I still there? Probably cos I invested a lot of time setting up my profile, and ocassionally I do get to hook up with old friends I'd completely lost touch with.

Like recently, when I managed to locate a childhood pal after 24 years! So worth the noise, isn't it?

Je Ne Sais Quoi

For the past year and more, there's been this pain that visited my tummy every so often. I thought it was from eating crap all the time, so I would cut down on one type of yum food a week to identify the culprit. I could never pin it down, but the general consensus was that it's the 4 teaspoons of bournvita in one glass of cold milk at bedtime (the erstwhile highlight of my day). So I gave that up. But the pain persisted. So I went to the doc, who through a series of tests discovered that I had a little unnecessary piece of benign being inside me. I had that removed with the hope that I had bid my pain goodbye, but oh dearie me, no! It was back. By then I'd had enough of doctors so I ignored the whole thing for a few weeks. The pain would come and go, till one day it was so bad that I had to rush to emergency, where the doctors wanted to prove their prowess by taking out the least complicated body part - the appendix. Of course, I stood up for its rights and said no way are they doing any such thing, esp when all the tests were negative. So with great reluctance, they let me out with only an injection. Then I figured it was time to see another doc, so I went to one who referred me to another, who gave me some meds, which made me better. So I was happy and I went home for a week. Then I came back and the pain came back. Every day. Lots. So I went to ayurvedic doc cos I thought at least that won't have side effects. I have to have the stinkiest meds on the face of the planet and rub an oil on my tummy. But I think that's better than popping pills all day, which I am prone to do. But the next day the pain was so bad I went to emergency again. They made me wait for two hours. So I figured it's cos I wasn't screaming in pain. That's a useful lesson for anyone who wants quick attention. Please scream. Well anyway, they checked for many things but it was all clear, so I came home. The next day I went back to the doc who made me better for some time. He gave me the same meds. I am better again. I think I will be better for 2 weeks cos that's how long this course is. After that, when the pain comes back, I will go to an astrologer and ask him what I should do. He will tell me to wear a red stone. I will not wear it cos I don't like the idea of surrendering my health to a piece of jewellery. By then there will nothing else to try. And I'm sure, being the loyal thing that it is, the pain will still be around. So I will have to start the alternative healing that I used to practise all those years ago. A valid question at this point would be why did I not do that all this while. The only time I think about doing it is when I am in pain. And then I am in so much pain that I can't focus. So I don't do it. What then? Sigh. What a pain.